I first started experiencing anxiety when I was in sixth form so on the cusp of being an adult. It was a scary time trying to figure out how I would even cope in the world if I couldn’t leave the house. Over the years, I got the support I needed and managed to find a way through life so far. What has started to hit me, now that I’m well into the ‘Over 25’s’ (if you watched the x-factor then you remember it being classed as the ‘old’ category), I’ve realised how difficult it is to be an adult struggling with anxiety.
Firstly, there’s a lot less support. When I wanted to go to university, I had access to so many different support avenues. I had a mental health advisor, a support worker, a counsellor, medication, disabled students allowance, etc. Now though, I don’t have any of that. Getting a therapist through the NHS has a waitlist of about a year if I remember correctly. In order to get any kind of allowance, I have to prove that I’m anxious and the worst thing about it is that you’re finally asking for help because you have no option, then you have to prove you’re not lying. I mean, how? You want me to take you with me so I can have multiple anxiety attacks? It’s so frustrating because people do use it as an excuse. It’s an invisible battle so there’s no real failsafe way to prove or disprove it. Because of that, there aren’t enough resources/funds for people who truly need it.
As an adult, people have a lot less sympathy. To be honest, there wasn’t much sympathy to start with in my experience but what I’m referring to specifically is, when you’re younger, people are willing to support you to try. As an adult, generally they won’t make time for you. If you are going to disrupt something, don’t go. The issue with that is, how do you overcome it if you can’t get into a situation and practice?
After experiencing anxiety for a long time, you realise that a number of people don’t care. Getting a job is almost impossible if you’re honest with your potential employer. They don’t want the risk of having you as a liability. They want someone to be unproblematic; more like a number than a person. That again leaves your options very limited.
I guess the worst for me is this constant perception of you not being smart or capable because you struggle with anxiety. Even friends don’t want the burden of trying to support you because they don’t find socialising you fun if there's a risk you are going to struggle. The people that do want to support you feel that it becomes their responsibility to ensure your success. If they can’t do that, then they get stressed so it can all get a bit unpleasant.
Obviously, it’s difficult living with anxiety as an adult. You have to figure out how you can navigate through life in a way to ensure your needs are met but that you don’t have a mental breakdown. Medications can help, but for me they made me almost unable to function at all. Here are my two top tips for dealing with anxiety as an adult:
1. Try to have multiple sources of income. You don’t need to be rich, but having different streams of income means that you won’t feel the pressure if you can’t go to work, or your job is threatened. It’s difficult to find these different sources but you could try offering a service on Fiverr (like writing), you could make videos online (tiktok, YouTube) and monetise them, you could even create stuff and sell it online (i.e. through Etsy). Be patient and don’t expect a lot soon, but it’s good to have different options in place.
2. Keep Challenging Yourself. The more comfortable you get in your life, the harder it is to do new things. As an adult, with a job and responsibilities, I realised I was living the same routine and I wasn’t particularly anxious. Sounds great until you realise it’s because there were no triggers. By not exposing myself to triggering situations, my comfort zone could not grow. I decided to volunteer for a bit. I’m hoping to join a gym by myself. I am trying to use public transport by myself. All things that aren’t a big deal to other people, but I know, will help my confidence grow if I manage to achieve them. Find the things in your life that you can keep challenging yourself with just don’t overload. Set a goal for the month (i.e. taking a train an hour away ).
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