A book that broke me. And I’m not the only one to have felt that way. If He Had Been With Me is a YA fictional novel that starts with an accident, our first introduction to the three main characters.
The majority of the novel is a typical teenage love story as we go through Autumn’s childhood and teenage years, seeing how she grows into a young adult. We follow her through the struggles of finding the group that she fits in with and how her social circle develops.
A big theme of the book is how we push people away because of social circles. Autumn and Finn grow up as neighbours and best friends. In first school, they are inseparable and it’s clear that the mother’s can see as well as hoping that as they grow up, they will get together. However, as they go into high school, they end up in different social circles resulting in them interacting less and less (apart from family meals). Finn is in with the ‘jocks’ and Autumn decides to stay with the ‘weirdo’s’.
As the story develops, the two get into their own relationships and that’s when jealousy starts to arise. The novel explores the struggles of emotional intelligence as a teenager approaching adulthood. There is a part of the book that beautifully describes how the love we feel for someone in our younger years, can transform as a new type of love is unlocked. The love was always there but then it grows into something else as we grow.
Here is where my issue lies with this book. It’s clearly a love story, one that many people enjoy. However, killing off one of the main characters (Finn) feels pointless. In fact, it feels like a writing choice to have the book stand out from others. As I’ve said, the whole book is pretty much a love story, so to follow that journey, and have it end in such an irreversible way feels awful. Some people like that, but personally I hated it as I didn’t take anything away from it. It didn’t feel like Romeo and Juliet and it could have been a nice love story if it wasn’t for the ending.
At the end of a book, you want to feel entertained. Ideally, we want to feel good about the ending but there are sad stories that also are a fantastic read. Take for example Looking For Alaska by John Green. It was one of my favourite books growing up and there was a character death there that shocked me. However, it was an important learning curve for another character and for me as the reader. From this novel though, I took nothing positive away.
The other issue comes in as the writing itself isn’t that strong (which again makes the death feel like a dramatic choice to give the story more credibility). The whole journey is Autumn and Finn finding their way back to each other and when they finally get there, he dies by trying to do the right thing. It doesn’t hold any meaning. As a young adult book, you especially want a death to have meaning in a story.
We all read for different reasons, but the reason I like fiction is because you can choose what happens, you can allow the characters to have a happy ending. It was unfortunately a story that didn’t sit well with me.
On a more positive note, I respect the author’s choice of leaving the ending ambiguous of if Autumn is pregnant or not with Finn’s baby. I would assume she is since another theme of the book is that there is beauty in sadness. It also was an easy read and I pretty much read it in one sitting. Still, it wasn’t enough to redeem how frustrating I found it.
My Rating - 5/10
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