2023 has been a rollercoaster ride for me but as with all challenges, you get the opportunity to grow. Despite having our daily routines, life will throw things our way that we have to adapt to but every single time, we can learn something from it. Here are the top ten things I learned from this past year.
People don’t change - it’s an old notion that for a long time, I couldn’t quite decide whether it was true or not. Theoretically, everyone can change, but the fact is, most people don’t because they don’t want to. They are comfortable in their ways and their behaviour. Trying to change that and better themselves is inconvenient to them. It’s nice to give people a second chance or as many chances as you want to, but it’s so unlikely that someone who has continuously hurt you, will suddenly stop. There may be moments when it looks like things have changed, but there is a good chance the old pattern will make an appearance. If you don’t like the way someone is behaving, it may be better to let go of them, rather than stay in the hopes they will change.
Develop your own terms and conditions - There are certain stressors in life that are not easy to escape, work and family being the major ones. We need our job in order to have an income and afford our life. However, work can be too demanding and it can impact our health. The same goes for family relationships or friendships. Sometimes there can be drama that goes on that brings such a high level of stress that you become unwell. This is where developing your own terms and conditions helps. Basically, you are setting boundaries. Speak to the people involved to make it clear what you can do, and be prepared to walk away if they cannot adapt. It’s a scary thought, but look at the alternative? You keep certain people in life but then you depend on them because you become to ill to function alone? Or you get so ill at work that you are unable to work at all any more.
Letting go is hard - My life has changed dramatically this year with the loss of Carrie and Donkey. It was a pain that I didn’t think I’d have to experience for many years to come. It was difficult to let go of them and accept that life looks very different now. Such a major part of my life is gone. Many people decide to try and replace whatever they have lost, but that doesn’t really heal the pain. It just masks it. Letting go of something or someone you loved is a long and hard process, but it does get better. As the saying goes, the grief stays the same but you grow around it.
Dreams can change - On that topic, I’ve found that because my life has changed right now, it also means that your dreams and goals change. There can be a moment in your life where you realise something that you always thought you wanted, actually isn’t what you want anymore and that’s okay. I hate the idea of settling as many people do, but changing your dreams isn’t settling; it’s growing. Your life is evolving.
You need emotional breaks - A lot has happened this year which then led to a lot of bad physical symptoms for me. I reached a point where I realised that I needed to make time for myself where I didn’t have to worry. That’s easier said than done, but we need to have regular moments where we can switch off for a bit and recover. Otherwise, the more challenges that come our way, the less equipped we are to deal with them.
Sometimes it’s better to be alone - It’s very rare actually that we have time alone, and society has trained us that we are only fulfilled when we have found the love of our life, or we are surrounded with friends and family, right? Wrong! I think there comes a moment in everybody’s life where you just need to be alone. It allows you to compose your thoughts, emotions and it can actually be a lot less stressful. You don’t have to worry or think about what other people are doing and adapt to them.
Trying new things can help you learn more about yourself and your life - As we get older, we get stuck in our routine. We do pretty much the same thing day in and day out. When we do something ‘different’, it’s still usually something we are familiar with. For example, going on holiday to a place you know, or visiting a museum, etc. When is the last time you’ve done something totally new to you? This year I tried it and I can safely say it’s been life-changing. I’ve met wonderful people who I never would have otherwise. I learned a lot about myself that I don’t think would have been discovered and it’s also been a fantastic escape from day-to-day stressors.
Make time for what’s important - this is an important one. On the topic of loss, it made me so grateful for the time I decided to spend with Carrie and Donkey rather than going on holiday. They were more important to me. The same goes for other areas like projects you want to do. Writing a book takes time and effort, but if you put it as a priority, you can get it done quite quickly. There is so much that life has to offer, but it’s up to us to prioritise what is important to us and focus on those things. You know what brings you peace and joy and what things don’t.
A mix of socialising digitally and physically makes it easier to keep in touch - we are social creatures so it’s important to make time for friends. Time slips away from us all too easily but with technology, it’s now a little easier to make time for each other. I’ve found that have a set day and time in a week where you have a catch up with friends is perfect and the best part is, you don’t have to meet up physically! You can have a phone call, a video chat, play games online, etc. There are so many different options that now allow us to socialise without having to find a place, which again makes it easier to stick to (no travelling, getting ready, etc.).
Be open minded and keep your heart open - This is the motto that I think will carry me into the new year. We learn a lot from both good and bad experiences and although our past shapes us, it doesn’t have to leave us jaded. If you decide to do something, do it wholeheartedly. That doesn’t mean being naive, but it does mean that you aren’t judging before the experience. It allows us the opportunity to learn new things, understand things that maybe we wouldn’t otherwise. Most importantly, having an open heart should bring you more joy. When we become closed off, every experience and emotion we have is limited. We don’t let ourselves feel too much in case we get hurt, which is understandable. But we can get through the hurt. We want to experience life to its fullest.
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